So last night I spent a couple of hours trying to get my head around the whole techy side of this blog writing stuff. I also read some brilliant blogs from all over the world. I’ve not got into a book in ages, partly because I never seem to be able to get to the end of one before forgetting what happened at the start. I’ve always read the supplements rather than the news section of the paper too, so blogs appeal as they’re a bit like reading lots of interesting columns from all kinds of people.

 

Anyway, one great blog I came across is Kate Takes 5

 

Kate does her own weekly Listography and invites other bloggers to take part. This week, the list was Top 5 Phrases That Drive Me Crazy.

 

So, here’s mine:

 

1. ‘I’ll be there in two seconds.’

 

This actually means ‘I’ll be at least half an hour late.’

 

2. ‘I’m not racist but…’

 

Is invariably followed by a abhorrently racist comment.

 

3. ‘End of play.’

 

Not only does using this term make you sound like Gordon Gekko (and from the 80s Wall Street, not the Never Sleeps one) but since when did a full day’s hard slog become ‘play’. A long lie, a couple of hours at the spa, a few glasses of fizz with the girls, a couple of hours on a yacht with Mr Clooney — these things I consider ‘play’. Otherwise just say ‘5pm’, please.

 

4. ‘I think you’ll find…’

 

As in ‘I think you’ll find it’s your turn to empty the nappy bin’.

Errrr…where? Where will I find that? Oh I see, you mean you’d like me to change the nappy bin? Bloody say that then.

 

5. ‘He/she’s scared of weimaraners.’

 

Admittedly this one is quite specific but I’ve decided it’s allowed seeing as I hear it at least a couple of times a week from owners of little dogs who have got it into their heads that dogs make judgement calls on each other based on breed. Actually dogs use bottom sniffing and body language to work out if the other guy’s cool. The other reason I hate this saying is because it usually precedes my totally chilled and docile weimaraner having his ear chewed off by some yappy little handbag dog.

So…there you have it. Any additions?

 

* Disclaimer: If you recognise yourself above, please note that I love you really and that you only drive me crazy a little, sometimes. Apart from you in the park with the yappy little handbag dog.

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